a storm in an a cup

I went bra shopping today. Who would of thought buying a bra when you're flat chested would be so bloody difficult?! Well I tell you it is! Flipping hard. There are choices galore for huge baps, with cups as big as hats, but ask for the small breasted selection and pfft! Nothing. Do all women have massive tits nowadays? Is everyone a D or an E? Even the A cups are designed for full, pert, round hooters! 

Maybe I should start designing bras for women who only have skin to hold up! The 'I breast fed my knockers away to nothing but skin and just need something to hide my sticky-outy nipples' section.

I spent over two hours trying on bras and eventually came away with two black training bras! One cotton and one lace. Designed for Tweens! How sad is that? 

 

I'm just sick of wearing uncomfortable padding. I feel like I'm taking off a pair of fake tits everytime I take off my bra. And they are so uncomfortable! I'm happy to be bra-less most of the time, but there are occasions when, as a 40-year-old mother of two, it's just not an appropriate look.

 

Yes I could of choosen one of those horrible nylon bras that look like a pair of tights (or pantyhose). Ugly as fk. Or just bought yet another pretty A cup that does nothing at all other than remind me that I have 'no filling' for the cups! But that's crap! Really, is it too much to ask for a reasonably priced, pretty, lacy, simple, comfortable, non-under wired bra that is for a flat chest? Ugh. Maybe I should just bite the bullet and get implants...

The cotton one



The lacy one

PND

I wish I had been warned. Why aren't women warned? Would it have made a difference? Could I have been more prepared? There was a vague mentioned of 'baby blues', but nothing that could prepare me for the absolute shock of becoming a mother. 

Or should the happily pregnant just enjoy the anticipation without more worry?

I'm talking about post natal depression. Being a new, first timer, alone with a tiny, needy, fragile baby. Your baby. Your responsibility. That terrible feeling of, 'Oh my God, what the fuck have I done?' Of being trapped and frustrated and confused and angry. Of wanting to just walk away. Of wanting my old life back. Of grieving for our old just-the-two-of-us relationship. The insanely strong feelings of love combined with confusion, frustration, tiredness and guilt.

I think had a mild case of it with my first. It lasted for about ten months, maybe longer. I can't really remember when the fog lifted. It just did. By the time Miss L was born I was myself again.

Reading Eleanor Limprecht's book,'What Was Left' has brought it all back to me. I haven't finished the story yet, but I'm really enjoying it. I can really relate to the main character and understand a lot of what she feels... I'd recommend the book to anyone who struggled a bit in those early, lonely days of motherhood.

Looking back at photos and videos of that time, still fill me with an uncomfortable sense of dread. Guilt that I didn't just relax and enjoy my sweet baby more. Pity for my sad, sorry, tired, zombie-like self. And a overwhelming relief that I got through it. 

As I have said before, I thank my dear Mr S for getting me through. It was just the two of us in a new country, in a new city, in a new apartment, with no family or support. At all. Never. No one to call on. No one to take the baby for an hour or two. Just us. I can't imagine what it must have been like for him. Coming home from a new job, to a wreck of a wife and a little needy baby. But we did it. Together we got through and I'm proud of the job we've done. I guess as the saying goes, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. 

What was Left by Eleanor Limprecht 

today I am wearing...

This is the forth and final dress purchased from the Supre $5 sale. A classic one shoulder black jersey maxi (that awful word again!). A bloody bargain. And it's the right length for me which is a rarity. Normally long dresses are way too long (because I'm a short arse) and I can never be bothered with re-hemming. Today I'm wearing the dress with thongs, but it'd be nice with heels too. 

I had a very quick browse in a few shops today, but there was nothing that caught my eye at all. So now I have that disappointed, I-wanted-to-buy-something-but-didn't sulky feeling. Ugh. All the shoes are awful too. Ugly, ugly shoes a plenty. It's not very often that I'm not longing for a new pair. It feels a bit odd not to be obsessing over a new pair of heels. Maybe because I have my beautiful Christian Louboutin Pigalles, I am complete... Ummm. Give it time...

3 of the 4

This dress is a bit of a different look for me, but for $5, I thought I'd give it a go. This is item number three from the Supre $5 sale (see last weeks post). It's super dooper comfy on and I love that I don't need a bra, due to the low sides, so it's great for summer.

Little Miss L wasn't impressed though and asked if I'd do the 'drop and go' at school rather do than our normal walk into the playground for a kiss goodbye. I asked her why and she wouldn't answer. Then it suddenly hit me that she didn't like my outfit. I asked her if she was embarrassed by me, or what I was wearing and she just cringed and said, "I just don't want you to come in Mum!" 

Bloody charming! Do all mothers embarrass their kids at some point?  Mine did because they were old, they stood out and I hated them coming to school. I never really thought I'd embarrass mine though, other than the normal growing up and not wanting to be seen hanging around your parents stage.  I said to Miss L, "Imagine if I was fat and wore ugly shoes and horrible frumpy dresses! Look around you - I'm a cool Mummy!".  She still wasn't impressed, just shrugged her shoulders and made me promise not to go beyond the entrance gates!

Rainbow Supre $5 sale dress with Havaianas (thongs)

today I am wearing...

 

I popped into Coles for some milk yesterday and came out with a new dress. I couldn't resist it. Mix has a great range of simple summer dresses at the moment for only $19 each.

Here are my favourites, including the one I'm wearing today.



Stripe Side Gathered Dress $19

Asymmetrical Maxi Dress $19

Stripe Rib Tank Dress $19                                           Fine Crochet Dress $19

Mix Side Gathered Dress $19 with tan Witchery wedges

today I am wearing...

Happy Monday peeps. The weekend went way to quick. I gorged myself on too much food and over did it.  Lime and passion fruit cheesecake, custard filled profiteroles, crispy seaweed, and such a mouth wateringly good curry - yum! (Not so good the morning after when I felt like curry stench was seeping out of all my pores!)

To hide my gluttony, today I am wearing dress two (of four) from the Supre $5 Sale. This one is so super comfy on (and I don't need a bra which is always a bonus). I am fighting the urge to go back and see if I missed any other $5 bargain styles... I must stay strong. I don't need any more!

Simple black jersey sun dress $5 (as $40)